


easy as breathing

by cecropia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bisexual Zoe Murphy, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Lesbian Alana Beck, Love Confessions, Meet-Cute, One Shot, POV Alana Beck, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis, here's that first kiss fic i was talking about!, maybe? - Freeform, you love to see it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28445205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecropia/pseuds/cecropia
Summary: “How long have you known that you like girls?”
Relationships: Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy
Comments: 11
Kudos: 28





	easy as breathing

**Author's Note:**

> YOOOOOOO happy new year's, have some WLW <3  
> I've been wanting to write these two FOREVER because heehoo gay and also because I project my feelings onto Alana Beck we been knew ok??? Let the ladies make out!!!! This is basically just an Alana character study bc I love her  
> also if y'all have any suggestions for another chapter or something pls feel free! I've really been wanting to write some more found family so !!
> 
> WHY DID AO3 GET RID OF MY ITALICS. IM RIOTING

Alana can’t quite place the exact day the cuddling started. The first time it had really happened (or, more accurately, the first time they had let it happen). 

She remembers everything else, though. 

School always starts on a Tuesday for reasons unknown, but Alana thinks she’d remember this specific Tuesday even if it weren’t for their high school’s weird traditions. She had AP Psych first thing in the morning that year, something she was excited about until she first walked into the classroom. Because it was none other than Sabrina Patel who was assigned the seat one away from Alana’s, shooting her this evil-looking grin as she took her seat, pretending to adjust her brand new high-end graphing calculator and pointedly meeting Alana’s eyes. 

Alana’s made a vow to herself to never hate anyone, but Sabrina Patel sure comes close. 

Someone had dashed into the room just as the bell rang, cursing under their breath and falling into the only open seat left: the one between Alana and Sabrina. As she took a breath of pure relief, she remembers thinking that maybe, although it defies everything she knows is true, there is a god out there, because this is something akin to a miracle. 

“Shit, did I miss anything?” The girl had whispered to Alana, slightly out of breath and scrambling to lift her books out of her bag. 

It’d taken a second for Alana to realize that she was being talked to. The girl glanced up at Alana after a moment of silence, raising an eyebrow and finally relaxing against the books on her desk with a huff. 

Zoe Murphy. Alana didn’t know much about her then, only that she’d tutored her older brother a couple of years ago. So far, Zoe seemed to act completely different. A polar opposite, actually. 

“Oh— no, we haven’t started,” Alana rushed to whisper back. 

“Oh, thank god,” Zoe Murphy breathed, shooting Alana a dazzling smile and pushing her hair off her forehead. “I’m Zoe.”

“Alana,” She’d offered back, breathless. 

And Zoe had smiled even wider. 

The first time Zoe asked to sit with her at lunch, Alana couldn’t help but think it was a joke. 

But, as it turns out, it wasn’t a joke. Zoe Murphy actually just enjoys Alana’s company. And it wasn’t a joke when Zoe invited Alana over to study for their Psych midterm, either— although they mostly just chatted and didn’t do much studying at all, to Alana’s slight disappointment— and she remembers how incredible it felt to lose herself in a laughing fit with someone she considered a friend. Someone who considered her a friend. 

Someone who, somehow, still does. 

Someone who is currently shifting her knee to fit just between Alana’s, nudging Alana’s legs apart with her own. The thought brings an uncomfortable heat to her cheeks. 

Everything inside her is screaming at her to remove herself from this situation. Because, obviously, what they’ve been doing isn’t normal. It’s not something that two friends do, is it? Even so, it’s definitely not normal to feel a strange fluttering sensation low in her abdomen when her friend’s hand falls to rest on the small of her back (and apparently her sweater has shifted upward during the time they’ve been like this because Alana can feel the heat of Zoe’s fingers where they touch her skin). And it’s definitely not normal to imagine her best friend’s hands traveling from their current spot on her body to… various different spots. All of which happen to also be on Alana’s body. 

This is— this is just ridiculous. She needs to get herself together. 

Alana forces herself to breathe normally. Four counts in, four counts out. Her breath wants to catch every time Zoe’s head shifts against her chest, practically buried in Alana’s neck, and she wishes she had both arms available so she could push up the sleeves of her sweater. The heat of their proximity is almost too much to bear, blood rushing fast to the entirety of her face. 

Zoe takes a breath in. 

“How long have you known that you like girls?”

She glances up slightly, her forehead brushing the underside of Alana’s jaw. And thank god that Zoe is where she is, unable to see Alana’s eyes widen at the question. 

“And I swear to god, Alana, if you say forever, you’re a liar.”

Alana gets a tingling feeling along her spine as her name leaves Zoe’s mouth, laughing once at Zoe’s joke to appear as normal as possible. As cool as a cucumber. “Well… I guess I started processing it in late elementary school, and then everything just fell into place from there. Looking back, it makes a lot of sense. I think I sort of… knew before I knew. Does that make sense?”

“Hmm…” Zoe hums, nudging Alana’s chin with her head as she nods softly. It feels more like… a nuzzle against Alana’s neck. Most likely, she’s just nodding. Despite this, Alana swallows the lump in her throat. “Yeah, that makes sense. I just… feel so behind. Like, you’ve known since elementary school, Connor’s known he’s gay forever, apparently, and…”

“And?” Alana prompts gently, heart thundering against her rib cage.

“I just… I have no idea how I feel. Or, like. Who I even am, you know?”

“I know plenty of people who don’t have a label,” Alana offers cheerfully, “That’s a thing. Or some people just go by queer, since it’s an umbrella term. You should really look into joining the GSA. And— and maybe Connor should too! There are plenty of different people that could give you a new perspective on labels, or even just advice on anything you’re struggling with. I’d love to have you two join me sometime.”

Zoe doesn’t say anything. Alana has an inkling that she should probably shut up and let Zoe talk. But—

“And— you’re not behind, Zoe. Everyone grows at their own rate.”

Zoe doesn’t seem satisfied with this answer. “It just makes me feel like a fake, you know? Like, because I haven’t known since I was born then how I feel now doesn’t count.”

“It does,” Alana insists quickly. “Um… however you’re feeling is completely valid, Zoe.”

She almost brings up the GSA again, and how there are people even in her grade that still don’t know what to call themselves— they’ve only just now started to question their attraction, just like Zoe, and Alana thinks Zoe would get along really well with their new club member Caitlyn, and Connor could fit in there too, with a bit of a push— but she doesn’t bring that up, because offering practical solutions doesn’t seem to be working with Zoe. 

She must be looking for something else. Comfort? Solidarity?

“Thanks,” Zoe mutters softly, laying her hand flat on Alana’s bare back and pulling her closer. 

Alana’s aware that she’s giving cookie-cutter answers here, but to be fair, she’s got Zoe’s warm face in her neck and her hair is tickling Alana’s face and she really can’t focus long enough to come up with a response that a good, thoughtful friend would give at the moment.

Because... how is Zoe feeling? It’s not like this is the first time Zoe’s mentioned this, a casual yeah, I’m probably bi or something thrown into conversation many months ago, but… something about this conversation feels different. Something about this feels… important. Like Zoe’s trying to tell her something. 

Is Zoe trying to tell her something?

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Alana blurts out before her brain can correct her, immediately going into damage control mode. Comfort. “Because if you are, I’m here to listen. I’ve been told I’m a good listener. So— so if you need someone to listen, I’m here for you.” 

Zoe chuckles. “Is it that obvious?”

“Well… a little bit.”

Zoe shifts her upper body backward and cranes her neck so she can see Alana’s face, and she can probably see Alana’s face incredibly well considering the mere centimeters between their noses. Alana has never been more aware of her body— her heart beating in the space where Zoe’s leg is slotted between her own, heat gathering in her palms where they rest on Zoe’s back—

“I don’t wanna fuck this up,” Zoe breathes, eyes desperate. 

“Okay,” Alana whispers back, helpless. 

She watches as Zoe’s tongue darts out to wet her lips, eyes roaming Alana’s face and catching on her mouth. “Alana…” She lets her eyes close, breathing out through her nose and shaking her head, and—

And. 

And Alana’s hands find Zoe’s jaw in seemingly no time at all. And then it’s those hands that pull Zoe closer, and then it’s Alana’s lips that slot between Zoe’s, it’s Zoe’s sharp little intake of breath at the contact, which. Takes a second to set in, really. 

It’s over as soon as it began, because Alana finally seems to gain some sense and pulls back immediately as if she’s been burned. “I’m so sorry,” She says too loudly right in Zoe Murphy’s face, “I totally shouldn’t have done that, oh my god— you should know that I don’t usually— this isn’t— shit, I’m so sorry—“

The shocked look on Zoe’s face morphs into something soft, something awed, lips parted and gaze flicking from Alana’s mouth back to her eyes. 

“— I value consent no matter the circumstances, and I sincerely apologize for—“

Alana’s cut off by Zoe’s mouth pressing hard against her own, her nails digging slightly into the small of her back, Alana’s own fingertips resting helplessly on Zoe’s neck as she lets out a highly embarrassing but pleased little sound. They part only momentarily, Zoe’s eyes quickly meeting Alana’s, and by the time Alana’s brain catches up, Zoe’s kissing her again, hands sliding up her back under her sweater to pull her in. Her lips are so soft, so insistent against Alana’s, and she truly doesn’t know what’s gotten into her when her hands slide up to thread through the locks of Zoe’s hair, holding her close. Zoe sighs softly when Alana tilts her head to the side, and Alana can’t help but feel a sense of giddy accomplishment at the knowledge that she made that happen. 

The leg Zoe’s got between Alana’s thighs slides further between them, one of Zoe’s hands skirting down to rest on Alana’s hip, leaving fire in its wake. And Alana lets all of it happen, half-shocked at the fact that she’s not freaking out more. She allows Zoe to roll half on top of her, practically straddling one of Alana’s thighs, and she wonders— could it have always been this way? Fitted together like puzzle pieces, as easy as breathing?

Zoe breaks away to drop her head in Alana’s neck once again, shoulders shaking with breathless laughter. She could stay there forever, if she wanted to. Alana sure wouldn’t charge her any rent. A bubble of happiness makes its way up Alana’s throat too, and she decides to let go of all the anticipation and anxiety and adrenaline that had built up in the last ten minutes— well, in the last year, more accurately— and she laughs. She laughs, and she holds Zoe Murphy, and she laughs some more.

“I’ve been trying to tell you for months, oh my god,” Zoe giggles, “And— god, I was gonna give up, too. I started thinking maybe you just didn’t—“

“No, I thought you didn’t—“

“Alana, that’s bullshit,” Zoe exclaims with a laugh, lifting herself up to look Alana in the eyes. She continues over Alana’s protests. “I send you stupid good morning and goodnight texts, I made sure we had classes together again this year, I—“

Alana’s head is spinning. “No—“ She says with an incredulous grin, pressing her lips softly to Zoe’s again because she just has to. 

“Yes,” Zoe says back, placing both hands on Alana’s warm cheeks. And then they’re kissing again, a little slower this time, a push and pull of lips, and suddenly Alana feels very, very warm, and very, very tingly. Everywhere. She chases the kiss when Zoe pulls back, holding Alana’s jaw and shaking her head in faux-disappointment. “Alana— Alana, we’ve been cuddling after school at least twice a week for, like, literal months.”

“I know,” Alana breathes, exploring Zoe’s eyes. 

“I've wanted to kiss you every time,” Zoe tells her with a breathy laugh, leaning in for another kiss that’s met with nothing but enthusiasm. Alana thinks kissing Zoe Murphy is like settling into a warm bath on a cold day, or driving with the window down in the middle of summer, or snuggling into a blanket that just came out of the dryer. She’s light. 

How did this happen to someone like Alana? How did someone so charming and bold and beautiful stop and look at Alana and think... that she was good? How did this even happen?

And, right— she’d been pondering a similar question only minutes prior. 

“Hey, Zo—“ Alana starts, sighing happily when Zoe kisses her again. “When, um—“ Another kiss, this time a gentle press of lips to the corner of Alana’s mouth. “When did the—“ Alana stops to take a breath, as if every kiss from Zoe steals it a little more. Zoe leans back then, a devious smile on her face. Alana pauses. 

“Um…”

“When did the…?” Zoe prompts her, voice barely a whisper, forehead pressed to Alana’s. She’s looking right into Alana’s eyes, mouth moving almost hypnotically as she speaks. Her lips are so pink and plush and god they just look so...

“Yes, uh… when did the… the cuddling…? When did we…?” 

Zoe raises her eyebrows, licking her bottom lip and chasing it with her teeth, and. 

Alana finds that she doesn’t really care about anything but Zoe’s mouth at the moment. So. 

Sue her. 

“You know what? Never mind.”

She’s got more important things to attend to.

**Author's Note:**

> love u guys, thanks for reading <3 lmk what u think!  
> come yell at me about DEH or whatever @ c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr!


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